Once a Coug, Always a Coug! (:

So a lot of people dont know about this. Mainly because I did not make a big deal about it.. But i guess its time to vent and let it all out. Ive left WSU.. not because of grades or anything but because of family issues. My mom and dad are fighting more than ever and me coming home has helped even though its been a few weeks. My mom wants a divorce but my dad does not. My mom did tell my dad that if he can fix his relationships with his kids then possibly my mom wont divorce him but right now she still wants the divorce.. My sister acts up everyday(who can blame her shes 18).. Ive been looking for apartments for her and trying to figure things out with school. This quarter im not even taking enough classes because of this.. I had to drop everything to help. Im just hoping with me being here i can help my mom out.. get a job and help her pay for things. I dont wanna be a burden or everything but this really has been hard on me as well. I had to leave all my friends/bestfriends/family and everything in Pullman. The people I interact with everyday are just posts on facebook that i see. Everyone is all studying, hanging out, working out together and what not and im just over here in my room watching netflix… UGH. Im glad for facebook/twitter though .. Thats how i catch up with them thats how they still keep me sane because over here in Seattle.. yeah i mean i have friends out here but its just not the same as it would be over there. I will forever always love WSU. The experience there has changed me so much and has probably made me realize a lot of things. I dunno.. this is just a small vent… but once a coug always a coug.

I know ive fucked up these past two years and it sucks .. but now i had to take a few steps back instead of moving forward like i wanted too… Im so determined to move forward and try to get back on track but at least a year so i know i wont ruin my life. I am so glad i have my friends supporting me every step of the way regardless if they are 500 miles away or not.. it doenst matter. 

I really hope I dont start missing you again.. I just started moving on. 

So apparently my dad found my youtube account and watched all my videos and was well disappointed in me.. What do you expect .. I’m his first born and I’m a girl living 5 hours away from him .. 

Apparently he said i was high on drugs and was drinking and driving and what not in one of my videos. But I wasn’t drinking and driving nor was i on drugs.. I was using my phone to record that video and well my phone didnt have the best quality and it was dark.. but yeah makes sense right? But no my dad thinks i love driving while I’m drunk .. WOOHOO. Its like he thinks i wanna kill myself? UHM if i wanted to kill myself i would have done it a lot better than that.. I know better than that I’m not stupid. 

Also he apparently is mad that i go out and have a good time.. Lets see I’m in college, I’m away from my family, and i have no rules to live by.. of course I’m going to do what i want. Especially since he tortured me all throughout MS & HS. by not letting me be an actual teenager… He lets my sister do so much more in the last two years than i could have my entire life!

Cant i just live a little?

Okay what else did he say? OH yeah that i have a lot of guy friends .. and that they “touch” me .. and stuff.. uh okay? I’m not getting raped and they aren’t touching me like that..  oh and that they are so much older than me oh my god.. NO. All my close friends are younger than me.. I’m the oldest like seriously check the birth certificates…

So lets see.. the biggest thing that it coming out of this is that my dad called me a slut.. YUP.. my dad called me a slut guys.. apparently I’m the biggest slut ever.. DAMN. I’m just wow.. hearing that from a friend or a peer or someone my age is you know is rude and what not .. but hearing those words come out of my so called dad is just appalling and rude and insulting and ignorant and just well messed UP! 

He also said that I’m not his daughter any more and that when he dies he doesn’t want me at his funeral he says he can careless about me.. damn thats harsh too .. he told me that i need to be on my own now and can’t rely on my mom and that I need to pay for all of this and all of that.. like damn thats really harsh especially since i can’t even afford college because of my so called dad .. he makes to much money and i can’t even get a dollar of financial aid. 

AND ON TOP OF THAT… He wants to deny everything he said because he didnt actually say it to my face.. yeah no. You said it. I heard it and im never EVER going to forget anything you said that day.

ivorypunk:

I’m in such a bad place yet no one will answer

"The fucking thought of you with somebody else, I don’t like that."

Tyler the Creator (via scarfacebeee)

(Source: baldballerbobby, via kimochidesune)

supvictoria:

Day n’ Night

(via kimochidesune)

Boy…

UGH.. i have no idea what I am going to do. In less that 24 days im moving back to Pullman and boy is staying here.. What am I gonna do? Do we try this distance or does this all end? The thing is I dont want it to end.. This really just moved to fast.. But he makes me happy.. like what do i do guys? I mean I already only see him once or twice a week.. can i handle just seeing him once or twice a month? UGH. I mean its not like he’s my boyfriend he is just a boy im dating i guess.. IDK. AHHH. I just needed to let a little out right now.. After yesterday things just turned to a whole new level between us though.. And I have yet to tell anyone about it.. 

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