I really hope I dont start missing you again.. I just started moving on.
So apparently my dad found my youtube account and watched all my videos and was well disappointed in me.. What do you expect .. I’m his first born and I’m a girl living 5 hours away from him ..
Apparently he said i was high on drugs and was drinking and driving and what not in one of my videos. But I wasn’t drinking and driving nor was i on drugs.. I was using my phone to record that video and well my phone didnt have the best quality and it was dark.. but yeah makes sense right? But no my dad thinks i love driving while I’m drunk .. WOOHOO. Its like he thinks i wanna kill myself? UHM if i wanted to kill myself i would have done it a lot better than that.. I know better than that I’m not stupid.
Also he apparently is mad that i go out and have a good time.. Lets see I’m in college, I’m away from my family, and i have no rules to live by.. of course I’m going to do what i want. Especially since he tortured me all throughout MS & HS. by not letting me be an actual teenager… He lets my sister do so much more in the last two years than i could have my entire life!
Cant i just live a little?
Okay what else did he say? OH yeah that i have a lot of guy friends .. and that they “touch” me .. and stuff.. uh okay? I’m not getting raped and they aren’t touching me like that.. oh and that they are so much older than me oh my god.. NO. All my close friends are younger than me.. I’m the oldest like seriously check the birth certificates…
So lets see.. the biggest thing that it coming out of this is that my dad called me a slut.. YUP.. my dad called me a slut guys.. apparently I’m the biggest slut ever.. DAMN. I’m just wow.. hearing that from a friend or a peer or someone my age is you know is rude and what not .. but hearing those words come out of my so called dad is just appalling and rude and insulting and ignorant and just well messed UP!
He also said that I’m not his daughter any more and that when he dies he doesn’t want me at his funeral he says he can careless about me.. damn thats harsh too .. he told me that i need to be on my own now and can’t rely on my mom and that I need to pay for all of this and all of that.. like damn thats really harsh especially since i can’t even afford college because of my so called dad .. he makes to much money and i can’t even get a dollar of financial aid.
AND ON TOP OF THAT… He wants to deny everything he said because he didnt actually say it to my face.. yeah no. You said it. I heard it and im never EVER going to forget anything you said that day.
I’m in such a bad place yet no one will answer
"The fucking thought of you with somebody else, I don’t like that."
UGH.. i have no idea what I am going to do. In less that 24 days im moving back to Pullman and boy is staying here.. What am I gonna do? Do we try this distance or does this all end? The thing is I dont want it to end.. This really just moved to fast.. But he makes me happy.. like what do i do guys? I mean I already only see him once or twice a week.. can i handle just seeing him once or twice a month? UGH. I mean its not like he’s my boyfriend he is just a boy im dating i guess.. IDK. AHHH. I just needed to let a little out right now.. After yesterday things just turned to a whole new level between us though.. And I have yet to tell anyone about it..